You must remember this, a cross-eyed kiss is still a kiss

I've got a girlfriend! Well, that is, I know I said Jean-Tom was my girlfriend before now, but it's official--she kissed me.
So the other day Jean-Tom was outside my door getting some dinner from Mom. Mom let me go out the door and I was so cool. I just casually was checking out the porch and I was like "hey." She didn't audibly respond, but she looked at me and I could see what she wanted to say in those golden crossed eyes: "hey."
So then Meg started hissing at her from inside and totally killed the mood so Jean-Tom left and I returned inside, but whined at Mom to let me back out.

Later that day...
Jean-Tom was back for more food. The sun had set and the moon was a glow around her. Ahhhh.
Anyway, Mom let me go outside again. This time I was more confident. I walked right up to her and we compared nose smells. Then, she rubbed her face against mine. Wowza! But then I was like, hey, I'm the man here, I'm supposed to make the first move.
So I opened my mouth like I was hissing at her but without the sound. I did this so she would do the same and I could see how old she is by her teeth. She's younger than me. Not a problem.
So then we started walking down the porch and I decided I wanted to see what her world is like and headed down the steps. At that point Mom freaked out and chased after me. I made it to the front sidewalk before I decided this might not be a good idea. I was promptly chased inside and spanked.

New development...
This morning Jean-Tom and her brothers were eating breakfast and Mom opened the door for me. I didn't want to go out because I'd rather hang with Jean-Tom when her bros aren't around.
Anyway, Cheese and Crackers -- Jean-Tom's brother and former lover/baby daddy -- gave me the once over and voiced approval. We compared nose smells and then he made some horrible talking noises and tried to come inside. I hissed at him a couple times because I didn't really want him entering my home.

So it's official. I've got brotherly consent to date Jean-Tom. Hopefully she'll give me a photo to post here for your enjoyment.

--Jazpurr

The passing of the wise one

A good friend of mine died last week. Reilly Jo Reilly died Monday, April 13, after complications from a possible blood clot. He would have been 11 next month.

Reilly was Mom's first son, my half brother. He went by many names. You might have known him as:

• Roo Kaboo
• Rooley
• Buddah
• Joyce
• Morbidly Obese

Nevertheless, Riley taught me about my Mom when I was just a wee pup. Here are some photos.

This is Riley kicking me in the face.
This is me saying, "hey, quit kicking me in the face."

Reilly was a friendly sight when I returned to the wooded home. He was the most peaceful and loving cat I've ever known. I only wish I could be that open. He feared nothing because he believed everyone loved him--and they did.

I liked to hiss at Riley because he was bigger than I could make myself look. No one intimidates Blue Steel.

He was the mascot of Lacey's Landing barn. He was black and white and loved all over.

--Jazpurr and Meg

Skinny Jean-Mom

Jean-Tom isn't preggy no more. She's dropped the kitten weight. She wasn't coming around much, only on occaision to fuel up at the cat food filling station Mom has for the dumpstees outside our front door.
The other day Mom had the door open and I was watching Jean-Tom and Cheese and Crackers (the baby daddy). She was all looking at me and rubbing on him all lovey dovey. Pshht. Like I need her. Stupid girlfriend.
More recently we started noticing Jean-Tom coming around more with her brothers for handouts and she has yet to bring her kits with her.
Mom says they probably died, what with them being all inbred and probably cross-eyed like their mum.

Ryan said she probably ated them. I would never eated my foil ball and milk ring babies. They make me sad howl when they stop moving. I wood howsever carry them around in my mouth and kick them around like soccer.

Meg, this is my post! I'm trying to talk about serious stuff here. Geezie cheese.
I'm sad my girlfriend's babies died or didn't like her and ran away, but I'm glad she doesn't have to be tied to that Cheese and Crackers chump raising the kits.
Mayhap she will be mine at last!

--Jazpurr and Meg (Son of a bichon, Meg! Get out of my post!)

My Girlfriend Got Knocked Up By Her Brother

That is to say, her brother got her pregnant before I could make her my girlfriend.
A while ago I was looking out the kitchen window at the dumpster cats chowing down and Mom said, "I bet you could find a girlfriend out there."
What with Peter Nincompoop kidnapped and all, Jean-Tom is the only girl left out there. Too bad she's full of belly fruit.
I suspect Cheese and Crackers is the father. They've been spending a lot of time together.
Needless to say I am heartbroken!
The only other female who frequents my front door is Coonie, but I'm weirded out by her dexterous fingers.
I'm 5 years old. It's getting pretty lame spending all my time with my dopey sister.
Perhaps I should try online dating, like mew-harmony or CATch.com.

--Jazpurr