My Girlfriend Got Knocked Up By Her Brother

That is to say, her brother got her pregnant before I could make her my girlfriend.
A while ago I was looking out the kitchen window at the dumpster cats chowing down and Mom said, "I bet you could find a girlfriend out there."
What with Peter Nincompoop kidnapped and all, Jean-Tom is the only girl left out there. Too bad she's full of belly fruit.
I suspect Cheese and Crackers is the father. They've been spending a lot of time together.
Needless to say I am heartbroken!
The only other female who frequents my front door is Coonie, but I'm weirded out by her dexterous fingers.
I'm 5 years old. It's getting pretty lame spending all my time with my dopey sister.
Perhaps I should try online dating, like mew-harmony or CATch.com.

--Jazpurr

The Origin of Life

The other day I asked Ryan where kittens come from. He said they come from dumpsters. He said your fer color is picked by whatever trash is in the dumpster when you are born. He said there was lots of gray poopon and a litle bit of blue and silver butterfly wings in the dumpster when I was born.
So then I asked if Peter Nincompoop, Cheese and Crackers, Cat and Jean-Tom could be my brothers and Ryan said yes and that I should be nicer to them.
The next morning I went to the front door to go outside to see my brothers, but Mom said no and closed the door on my head. I tried really hard but she was adomant.
Later before Mo came home I saw a funny lookin kitty from my perch at the kichen window. It was gray and black stripey and had a black mask around its eyes. It came to our door and tried to talk to us. Jazpurr is teaching me morris code so next time I can talk to him. He said his name is Cooney. Next thing we know Cooney runs away and Mom opens the door. I guess Cooney didn't like Mom.

--Meg