My Girlfriend Got Knocked Up By Her Brother

That is to say, her brother got her pregnant before I could make her my girlfriend.
A while ago I was looking out the kitchen window at the dumpster cats chowing down and Mom said, "I bet you could find a girlfriend out there."
What with Peter Nincompoop kidnapped and all, Jean-Tom is the only girl left out there. Too bad she's full of belly fruit.
I suspect Cheese and Crackers is the father. They've been spending a lot of time together.
Needless to say I am heartbroken!
The only other female who frequents my front door is Coonie, but I'm weirded out by her dexterous fingers.
I'm 5 years old. It's getting pretty lame spending all my time with my dopey sister.
Perhaps I should try online dating, like mew-harmony or CATch.com.

--Jazpurr