Once Upon a Midnight Fishing

One of my favorit pass times is fishing. I like to do it from the comfort of my own feeding zone, tho.
Most days when Mom gives me my brekfest or diner, I drop a few pieces of my food in the water bowl when she's not looking. Then I fish them out and when I git them their all soft and tastee.
It itsn't easy fishing for yor food. It means yor going to git yor paw fur and paw pads wet.
I often stop to cleen my paw once it gets too soggy.
But you have to keep going until you git them all. Or until you git full and don't want them anymore.
Mom doesn't like it when I fish, that's why I have to drop them in secritly. She says I get my dirty little litter paws in the water and make it not cleen.
Whatev, Mom, I like litter water.
Mom took this videeo so she coold show it to me later and tell me I was cought. As you can see, I am battling three food fishies, but I git bored before I can git the last one.


--Meg

Night Mooves / No sleep for the mother

So Mom and Ryan function on a different sleeping/waking schedule than we do. They stop functioning when it's dark outside, whereas we catch our shut-eye during those annoying daylight hours and party down at night.

We're trying to alter Mom's schedule.

Ryan frequently is gone during the sleeping hours, which leaves ample napping space on the bed. Despite this space, however, the most comfortable spot is on Mom's legs. Meg and I like to take baths, nap and wrestle eachother on Mom's legs.
Our goal of course is to keep Mom from sleeping so she'll play with us.

Ive gotten inta a fewd wit the beddroom door jam. We battle every moorning round 6 or 7 when Mom's still sleeping. I kick it and grab it and make a rukkus. Mom usually throws a stoofed aminal at me. She missed me the other day, tho.

When the sun starts coming up we really hungry. I try to tell Mom it's breakfast time. I get on the bed by her face and say, "Hey. I'm hungry." Then I sit on the bedside table and watch her. Anytime she seems to be awake I remind her.

Sumtimes in the night and erly morning, I check to see if Mom is really in sleepybye. I creep up to her face just to check. She always is, tho. She tries to pet me like I want lovin' and I'm like backoff. Sumtimes when I'm hungee I go to her face and tickle her with my wiskers.

--Jazpurr and Meg

Family Fun

So Mom abandoned us Sunday to go to her family holiday party. We were originally planning to attend so we could meet our cousin Stanley, who you might remember from such posts as "Stan the Man."

We diddnt go tho cuz Ryan had a hed pain. I wanted to stay to take care of him. My purring power is wicked heeling.

I stayed home to make sure Ryan didn't get into any trouble. I think he was faking the migraine. He's tricked me before.

Allso our grampy gave us a catgrass growee for Winter Solstice. I keep telling Mom to plant it, but she hasnt yet. Im hungee.

Here's a look at the photos we had taken for the holiday card we sent out to peoples and kitties this year. I wasn't too happy about the snow suit, but it was either that or the girly cloak.

--Jazpurr and Meg

String Theory

My Aunt Sarah came to visit me last week from Maine. At first I though, "What's going on!?" then I knew, it was my auntie.

She brought me a present. It's pretty rainbow-sherbet-colored string made of bamboo.

If you don't already know, I'm a bit of a string connoisseur. The thinner the string, the better, I say, but this bamboo string might be my favorite kind so far.

What's the thinnest of stings, you might ask? It's human hair. I find it on the bathroom floor all the time or sometimes I steal it out of the trash can when Mom throws hers away.

Second thinnest is thread, which oftentimes escapes from the hemlines of people's clothes. I find it on the floor and sometimes I accidentally eat it. Mom doesn't like that, she usually takes thread away from me.

Contrariwise, twine can be quite entertaining.

It has a different sort of flow as it glides through the air and into my grasp. It's also good for shredding.

This bamboo sting is most soft, however. Sometimes I just gather it in a pile and rub my face on it. It smells like Aunt Sarah. Maybe one day I will see my cousin Agatha again.

--Jazpurr

I am thankful that...

... Mom did not let the dumpster kitties stay permynently.

The other night Mom came home and before I could even come out to say 'hi' had invited the dumpster kitties in just to hang and piss me off.

Only three of them were there and Mom said they came looking for food, but then insissted on having shellter alsa. Mom said she couldn't shut the door in their "little" faces. Little, puhshaw!

Cheese and Crackers is as big as me and they might not be even full grown. He kept coming in the bedroom and looking at me. The neerve!

I told him what's what, hissy style.

I saw Mom petting Peter Nincompoop, which she said she learned is a girl. Later, Ryan refused to change the name to Petra Nincompoop. Whatevs. Peter is really small and lovey. I was spying on them from around the bedroom doorway, but when Peter got too close I told him what's what, hissy style.

Jean Tom is medium sized. He's cross i'd. Mom said he might be a girl, two.

Mom gave them treats from MY treat jar. Those jerks. Peter put his scent all over the corner by the door. Rubbin' his face all over it. Yick.

The picture is the three that visited. There's another named Cat, but he's a loner. More like loser.

--Meg and Jazpurr

Pictured (from left) are Cheese and Crackers, Peter Nincompoop and Jean Tom. You can tell they're evil by their lazer eyes, which Cheese and Crackers is utilizing here.
I was abel to video tape their movements for future analiziz.

These are a few of my favorite tastees

I'm sure you've noticed by now that I, Jazpurr, am a pretty fit, slender and strong fellow, wheras Mega's a bit of a beef. We thought you might be interested to learn of our favorite foods. We list them here in order.

Jazpurr Higgins:

1. Yogurt, particularly Activia (it keeps me regular). I can hear/smell a yogurt carton being opened from 1.27 miles away.
2. Quisp Milk. It gives you quazy energy.
3. Little Green Men. I find them in the carpet and try to eat them. They usually disappear before reaching my mouth though.
4. Milk. Although I am lactose intolerant and am only permitted a small amount.
5. Tuna. The best things in life come from cans.
6. Cheese
7. Plants
8. Ice Cream. It's like sweet milk.

Megalopoli Conurbation Mussolini:

1. Chocolate
2. Chocolate
3. Chocolate cookies
4. Ice cream, particularly chocolate. I, like Jaz, have a keen sense of smell and can whif out ice cream from 2.73 miles away.
5. Tuna
6. Mega Meal. I'm told this is really called "canned food." Ryan gives them to me when he is home. We always have a good chat about it before he lets me eat, tho.
7. The salt on Mom's skin. Sometimes she lets me lick her hand for a really long time, then she gets mad because I makes a boo boo.
8. Anything hard. I don't actually eat these things, like cell phones, the ring on Mom's finger, pens, but they are good for chewing.
9. Flowers

Happy T-Day

With that most tastee of holidays approaching, I am remynded of a photo shoot I did for Tyson some time ago. Don't I look delishous?

--Meg

The girl with the smelly-good face

Mom and Ryan abandoned us again. They were gone three days, but Mom's cousin Sara took care of us.
Sara is very nice. She likes to play and talk with us and she has a great smelling face.
We showed her our toys and talked about food.
She liked me best.

No she diddint. She said I was prettiest.

She said you talked a lot, and nobody likes a chatty catty.

Wat eever.
She gave us mega meal and lots of it. She even gave us treats! I hope she comes back.

--Jazpurr and Meg

Auntie Sarah

Mom said Aunt Sarah will be visiting at Thanksgiving time.

When I was one year old, Mom and I lived with Sarah and my best friend Agatha. This photo is me trying to eat Agatha in our window. I usually ate my meals in that window, so it only made sense to eat the living thing in the window. Just kidding, Ag.

Aunt Sarah is good for snuggling with. Last time I saw her was in 2006. She came a visited me.

Meg met Aunt Sarah once when she was a baby. The other picture is Aunt Sarah holding Meg.

Meg doesn't understand when I talk about my aunt how ossum she is.

I'm excited to see Aunt Sarah! Mom said she lives in Maine and can't bring Agatha because Maine is far away and Agatha can't afford a plane ticket.

When my aunt comes I'm going to show her my catnip pillow and smell her face.

--Jazpurr

Dapper Jazpurr and Spiffy Megiffy

Before we moved to the Hideabed, our necks were carefree and blowing in the breeze. Now that we're in the place where we're not allowed to go outside, or at least not the REAL outside, we have to wear necklaces.
Mom got me a handsome houndstooth with red accent collar from Chicago. High Class! It's pretty annoying, but Mom gives good neck stratches. Sometimes I let Ryan give me a neck scratch.
A couple weeks ago Mom came home with a new shirt colar and bow tie for me. It was kind of really uncomfortable, but Mom kept exclaiming about how handsome I looked.
--Jazpurr

I used to ware a spiked Harly Davidson collar with a bright green dog bone ID tag. The ID tag matched my eyes, the colar matched my attitude.
That collar was causing some helth problems, tho. It was leather and was rubbing the fir off me neck, so I had a half grown crop of hair round my necken.
Ryan didn't want to lose any of my soft soft fir, so he took it off. Then he got me a new one. It's blue plaid. Mom said he shouldve' gotten a pink one to match my bright pink tung, but Ryan got one that matches the blue hu of my fir.

Also Ryan got me a sweater the other day. It's itchy so I took it off over my hipps.
--Meg

Mmmmm...Tuna

Mom's Uncle Daryll drew this cartoon. We don't claim to be the inspiration, but we do love tuna.

Nipful Dreams

A long time ago, Mom gave me and Jaz what she says is a "catnip pillow." It is a long tube of fabric about the size of my torso, and it smells like dizzy.

The furst pitcher is me hanging out with the pillow.

Jazpurr usually hogs the pillow and kicks it and bites it. I like to lick it and rub it on my face, like in the sekond pitcher. I don't know why I do this, but I feel kumpelled. Sometimes when I get the night juices in me, and I can't stay still, I will kick it too. It's never complayned about when we beat on it, but I'm not sure it likes it.

The last pitcher is me playing hard to get. I'm ignorring the pillow because I'm playing with my foil ball.

I love the foil ball. Mom and Ryan got me many more new foil balls. They like to run across the floor and I have to chaise them and sometimes carry them somewhere in my mouth. When Mom holds them they make this crinkly noise and then I know they are getting ready to eskape from her klutches.

The Origin of Life

The other day I asked Ryan where kittens come from. He said they come from dumpsters. He said your fer color is picked by whatever trash is in the dumpster when you are born. He said there was lots of gray poopon and a litle bit of blue and silver butterfly wings in the dumpster when I was born.
So then I asked if Peter Nincompoop, Cheese and Crackers, Cat and Jean-Tom could be my brothers and Ryan said yes and that I should be nicer to them.
The next morning I went to the front door to go outside to see my brothers, but Mom said no and closed the door on my head. I tried really hard but she was adomant.
Later before Mo came home I saw a funny lookin kitty from my perch at the kichen window. It was gray and black stripey and had a black mask around its eyes. It came to our door and tried to talk to us. Jazpurr is teaching me morris code so next time I can talk to him. He said his name is Cooney. Next thing we know Cooney runs away and Mom opens the door. I guess Cooney didn't like Mom.

--Meg

Engineers' Guide to Cats

We find this video to be quite informative about our species. We do not, however, condone the use or applicability of "corporal cuddling."

I like girls

The Hideabed, where we live, has been quite the social gathering place since we moved in. Mom has since realized the gender I prefer: girls.

Ryan has had a number of friends over, none of which are appealing. I mostly spy on them to make sure they aren't marking this as their territory. Meg likes the boys, though. She flirts with them and talks to them. Psshht.

Mom brings girl friends over. I particularly like the peoples with the name of Sara(h). I believe this goes back to my childhood when I lived with Aunt Sarah and Agatha.

Mom's work friend Sara has a soft face and Medusa-like wild tendrels on her head that I must battle for her protection.

Cousin Sara has a good-smelling face.

Mom had work Sara and work Lisa for a visit Friday and they watched Newsies. I once did a spin off of that movie called Newscats: The Meowsical. You might recognize some friends of mine in the second promo poster, such as Pretty Kitty, Little Kitty and Mega.

--Jazpurr

The Adventures of Krummy the Kindness Kitty

We welcome another guest blogger. Krummy lives at Mom's office. Mom says she and Nick The Bull share custody of Krummy. I don't believe she'd have an illegitimate kitty, however. Here's Krummy's post about life at SNP.
--Jazpurr

Greetings Mega and Jazzpurr;
As you can imeowgine, I get bored sitting atop my cubicle lair in search of meanness and mices. I thought I would take the time record my thoughts and whatever else spews from my meowth (besides hairballs).
First, I will properly introduce meowself to those who aren't privy to my existence.I am Krummy the Kindness Kat. I was sent from planet Krumlauf to balance the fight between kindness and Tim K. lol.
Here is a recap of what I witnessed on what meow masters call, "Deadline Day."
Monday:I heard my arch nemesis, King Krummy (Tim K) yelling at Nick to learn the ways of the levy and wondered if he needed a hug. While trying to climb to King Krummy's desk, I realized I was stuffed and had a hard time moving (must have been all the ketchup and mustard I stole from the cafeteria).
I will continue to plot and scheme against this master of meanness and find a way to hug the crap out of him. (Pardon my French).
I hope you guys are having a wonderful time and please be sure to save a spot for me in the dryer. Also, Meg, do you think you have room in your next meowvie for a superheremeow? Pieces be with you (or something like that).
Hugs,
Krummy the Kindness Kat

Meg will drink your milkshake

Mom said there was talk about a sertain milkshake movie at her work today and that I should tell you about a movie I did called There Will Be Meg. It was a fairly furry movie in which I play a catnip cartoon (she means "tycoon" --J). Despite it's name, howmever, there's not as much Meg as there is in my other movie, No Country for Old Meg.


I got into acting not long after I started modeling. The Hollymeowd bigwigs thought I was sooted for plush rolls. One thing led to another and now I'm a starr.


You should rent them both. They are gems.
*P.S. Click on the posters to see a larger immage.

MEG

Stan the Man

We've decided to entertain a guest blogger. This is an e-mail we got from Stanley Hamelberg about his confusion on how to comment on this blog. If you are wondering also, just click on the tiny word "comment" at the bottom of this (or other) posts. --Jazpurr

Uh Yeah Uh Hey There---
I uh like don't really know nothin bout this blog stuff, but uh I could mebbe be following what all yous got to say dere. Ya know?
My female parent says I gotta introdoos myself. I'm Stanley - that's Stan THE Man to yoos. I could prolly add some thoughts and stuff-like to what you two prissy catz are talking about.
You know - like how I kill chipmunks and baby bunnies and little wrens and stuff. Oh, my female parents sayz not everbody wood like all that.
But I cud think up stuff, ya know?
I juss need to know how to get on there to be a follower - which I ain't, believe me. But that's YOUR word, ya know.
So, let me know.
Yer cousin - or something like that,
Stanley of Orange Township

Victory (ball)!!

Meg and I played Rock, Paper, Mega to determine whose post would go at the top of the page today. She's off in the corner nursing her paper-covered rock wounds.

I'd like to discuss this thing the people's call "the shower".

How can the furless ones survive in that water torture box? You're trapped and surrounded by pummelling water molecules in some attempt to get "clean". Why can't they use their tongues to clean up?

This photo is of my first experience with the wet place.

I remember the first time I saw Mom get in the torture closet. I cried my baby heart out to warn her of the danger of being soaked, but she just said it was OK. Every time we change homes, Mom gets in a new water box and I have to look in there to see what's going on. Then I cry some for her soul.

The other day, Mom was in the water box and I was spying on her. She reached her hand out to me so I thought she wanted help. I pulled on her arm to get her out from the dangerous droplets, but she resisted. I don't get it...

La la la la Mega

Mom and Ryan like to sing lots of songs about me. I thought I'd share how some of them go here.

"Her name was Mega, she was a show cat. The softest spot on the door mat..." (Think Copacabana)

"And the shadow of the Meg will embrace the world in gray." (Linkin Park anyone?)

Mom will sing "mega mega mega" to the tune of the underground theme from Super Mario Bros.

Mom and Ryan saw The Lion King the other night and so mom sang, "Shadow Meeegggg. Her fur is fluffy. Shadow Meeeggg, she is our love..." (like that Shadowland song)

In other news, I've been socio networking. Ryan keeps bringing boys over to my palace land. I'm pretty popular. Mom says I'm a socio butterfly, a social Megafly. I like to roll about and show them my irresistable tummy and rub my cheek-based scent glands on them. THAT'S RITE, DUMPSTER KITTIES! When these boys leave my home my scent will waft from them and let you know that I am champion of the Hideabed!

NincomPOOP

The other night I spied with my little eyes some threats to my queendom. Outside my window I gazed MY momma feeding four street rats. These yellow kitties, whom I understand to be called Jean-Tom, Cheese and Crackers, Cat and Peter Nincompoop, are DUMPSTER cats, which of course are the lowest lifeform 'maginable.
I'd finally escaped the opposum (she means "oppression"--J) of Pretty Kitty, Queen of the Sunbury cats, and the torment of that munion (she means "minion"--J) Little Kitty. I am now Queen of my domain, complete with throan, and these dumpster pals are coming to move in on my mom. No fair, Mare.

MEG

Gonna paint a wagon, gonna paint it good. I ain't braggin'; we're gonna coat that wood!

The other day there was a painter outside my window. Normally I'm pretty shy, but since there was a pane of glass between us, I figured I was safe. I said, "Hey, what are doing? How'd you get up there."

--Jazpurr

Pavlovian hummers

So Meg doesn't know it but Mom and Ryan are turning her into one of Pavlov's dogs. Ryan feeds Meg what they call "Mega Meals" of canned "ArtistoCATs" food (although I see Mom gets pretty on edge when Ryan call it "Artistocrats" food), and while preparing the food and while she eats, they clank a piece of metal against an Evil Dead shot glass. It makes a "tink" noise to which Mega is beginning to respond. Poor fool.

I thought I should bring to your attention a friend of ours the mention of whom might make an appearance on this blog on occasion.

Flit is our hummingbird that frequents our porch. Mom has given him a hummingbird feeder, and once he invited a lady friend to it, but we haven't seen her since. Domestic violence?
Nevertheless, Flit came onto the porch this morning while Mega and I were sitting inside behind the partially open screen door. Flit hovered in front of us for a while, checking us out. Mom said he was going to come inside but he didn't, he just pooped and left.

By the way, this photo I've posted is of a modeling spot I once did. Mega doesn't have all the looks in the family, in fact she has a very small percentage, wouldn't you say?

I was born a poor, black cat...

Not for realz. Today I got into the dryer cuz it looked cozy. Mom said I was born in a dryer. I wasn't sure if she was joking, but then she showed me these pitchers.

While I was in there, the insides turned round. Mom said something about a hampster wheel and my being "hefty," but I just thought it was like whirleewoo.

More about Meg

I thought it was time to put some picturegraphs up so you can see what we look like. When not blogging, I do some modeling work.

How do I look?

--Meg

This is Jazpurr. I've hijacked this post in order to point out something about Mega's modeling job. Meg is a PLUS-size model. She did this spread for the Sports Illustrated swim suit edition, but it got cut. Wonder why?

Hey! This is Meg again. Don't lesten to that punk. I'm NOT a plus size model. The camera adds 10 pounds, which is significant since in real life I weigh 11 pounds. Anyway SI said they just didn't have room to fit me among the human moddles and they're saving this job for the cat edition.

Hellow strange world of webs of various widths. This is Meg. Irregardless of what my brother might tell you, I ain't no idiot. Just cuz I'm a conosoor of foodstuffs doesn't mean I don't know how to 'spress myself.
This morning I was waiting by the back door trying to look thru the black curtain at the birds. Mom came and opened the curtain but there were no birds. Later, there were birds. Mom pulled a chair up to the window so I could watch. Later I beat up Jazpurr. He's a puss. Ryan brushed my hair the other day and now its super soft-like. If you bring me a Mega Meal I'll let you touch it.
Chow,
Mega

Here we go.....

Good day. This is Jazpurr Higgins. You will be seeing posts on this Web log from both myself and my sister, Mega. Our mother forced us to start this blog as a means of occupying ourselves during the day. Mom says we sleep too much and then make a ruckus all night long, which, although true, is no reason to force me to share this interweb page with Meg.
From here forward, you can be assured the posts with my signature will be intelligible, whereas the ramblings of the rotund one will likely be classified as low brow.

Farewell for now,

Jazpurr