Mega Metropolitan News and The Jazpurr Journal

Grrr, computer

2011-01-13T13:26:00.006-05:00

They might have "mouses" attached to them and that super entertaining arrow I can never catch on the screen, but computers take far too much out of what would otherwise be play time. We found this awesome cartoon that illustrates, quite literally at first, the lengths we cats go to to draw our parents away from the Internet.

I always employ the stand-up-and-rub-my-paws-on-the-chair move, which usually gets me a standing belly pet.

I like to set on moms lap or behine her in the chair to make her lest comferball.

I also like to walk and sit in front of the screen. That usually makes Mom mad. Anyway, enjoy the comic here.

--Jazpurr and Meg

Pose Series: Part 5

2010-10-19T18:39:00.003-04:00

Contorted Eagle

Now this position is ideal for sleeping and seeking belly rubs. Mom says Meg has scoliosis and that's why she lays in weird positions such as the contorted eagle. Not only does this pose show off the bod but it also conveys how limber you are, which will probably only serve for someone to toss you over their shoulder.

To achieve the contorted eagle, one should start out by rolling onto the back. Drop your feet outward to the ground or to one side. Then start wriggling the upper torso and yank the head to one side. There you have it!

Killer Shadowplay

2010-10-05T15:28:00.000-04:00

So Meg and I like to sit out on the porch and watch the birds and etc. which is pretty cool. Every now and then we try to jump at them via the porch railing but have yet to be successful.

Well after two years of just looking and failing to catch any birdies, I've gotten kind of bored. That's why I came up with a new form of birdwatching. I first employed this inside. In the morning the sun shines through the back door and onto the wall where the couch is. So I would run after the bird shadows on the wall by jumping on the couch. Cool, huh?

I've amped it up one notch. I now sit with my back to the actual birds while batting at their shadows on this chair. The shadows you see in the picture are from plants, not birds, but that only adds to the challenge of recognizing what is aflutter and what is just swaying in the breeze.

You should try this. It's really fun. Meg doesn't get it though. Too complex of a subject I guess.

--Jazpurr

Sunshine Meg

2010-09-27T15:30:00.002-04:00

Arent I a site to behowld? You mite notice I look diffrent in this pikture, glowweey even. Thats cuz Im in the sun. I have a speshal ingredeent in me that makes me change when expozd to sun. My fir gets softer, the blak parts of my eyes get slity and my nose gets sooper moist. Its ossum. Mom says Im sooper pretty when Im Sunshine Meg.

--Meg

Kicking ... face?

2010-09-27T15:13:00.004-04:00

That's rite. Dis is my handywurk. or I shuld say footywurk. So the storie goes that one nite I was doing my yoosyooal walking on Ryan's legs wile he sleeps rooteen when to my serprize he mooved his legs. I no what your thinking--big deel. Wel when your a cat, unexpeked serprizes like that kaws a reakshun that involvs us jumping strate in the air. So, Ryan jerked his legs (like the jerk he is) and I jump up and where do I land? On Mom's face. She got a littel mad at Ryan and then put an icee pack on her face for the rest of the nite. She was worryed I gave her a blak eye. Also she later notissed after kiking her face my foot and claw moved down her arm. That one took a wile to heel. :)

--Meg

Where am I?

2010-08-13T11:38:00.003-04:00

So things look a bit different around here, aye? Blogger gave us some new options and let us customize so obviously when we stubbled across this background with the birdies, we couldn't resist (Meg still needs reminding you can't eat bird sillouttes off the screen.)
Let us know how you like it in the poll to the left.

--Jazpurr

Pose Series: Part 4

2010-08-10T17:55:00.002-04:00

Courtship Pose

The late Pretty Kitty models the most seductive of the cat poses: the courtship pose. Jazpurr learned all about the enticing effects the courtship pose has on the humanfolk when he was one year old and has been using it on his mom ever since.
The key to the pose is belly exposure. No human can resist that fluff we keep stored on our underside. Rolling the head and even flipping back and forth is also effective. Jazpurr often takes baths in this position just because he can.

Pose Series: Part 3

2010-08-05T17:52:00.000-04:00

Upsidedown Face

This photo is a variation of the typical upsidedown face pose cats often take when lounging. Meg has taken it to an extreme by also flipping her torso and extending her arms.
This pose always looks uncomfortable yet we do it all the time. Why do we do it? Who knows? We don't even know why. Maybe it's just the different perspective we gain when everything is inverted.

Pose Series: Part 2

2010-07-27T17:35:00.004-04:00

The Chicken or Loaf of Bread

This position is a pretty typical one and not terribly intersting until you start to wonder where our arms went. They're still there, just tucked warmly under our chests. The tail is tucked in to the side for this one. It's a general keeping warm type pose.
The name for this pose comes from the chicken wing effect achieved by the hip and hip fur, as seen below. The title "loaf of bread" or "kitty loaf" is inspired by the rather boxy shape our bodies take.

Let me 'splain

2010-07-27T16:44:00.000-04:00

I know you've seen this post before, but I figured you might need reminding as another will immediately follow.
This is the first in a seemingly never-ending series of expanatory posts about the various poses we cats like to utilize. So to begin:

The Crossed Arms

This pose is one of the many lounging poses one might utilize. It's good for on-floor, on-chair and on-table lounging. It is not ideal for lap lounging or when balanced on any narrow surface. We'll get to those later.

This is also one of a few "flirty" poses. The crossed arms portrays an attitudy of aloofness and confidence. It's great for playing hard to get.

I am a man of discerning tastes

2010-06-07T16:21:00.004-04:00

Guest Blogger Igor Wolfgang VonFrankenstein Returns:

You might call me a food connoisseur or maybe just an avid sportsman, but no matter how you look at things, I like to catch me some wide variety of backyard critters. I climb trees to stake out birdies and I always have one eye on the yard across the street where the rabbits dwell. Needless to say, I'm feared in my neighborhood.
Please enjoy the following photos of my recent endeavors.

--Igor

*Editor's Note: The chipmunk did get away.

Lord of the Hum 3: Return of the Flit

2010-05-22T14:34:00.001-04:00

Flit has returned to our porch for the third year. Well, we think it's the third year. We know it's the same hummingbird we had last summer because when we first spotted him he was looking for the feeder where it was hung last year.
But to jump back a step, first Mom heard Flit chirping, then she saw him. Then she ran and fixed his sugar water. Don't know what he likes about that stuff. Seems boring to me. Where's the meat?
Well after my taste of Flit (or his lady friend, Flita [don't know which]) last year, I'm pretty bored with the hummingbirds. They're too fast to even give them the time of day. Go buzz around a cheetah, why don't ya!
I'll stay focused on the finches and such that eat the bird seed. At least they're full of sunflowery goodness, not sugar.

--Jazpurr

I am Queen

2010-05-17T14:24:00.002-04:00

Why, helo. Chek it out. This is me siting on my throne. Its reely a compooter chare with a extra cooshin, but some time ago I claymed as mine. That makes me royal you kno. Mom likes to call me her princez, but I think Im more of a queen. cuz i rool.

Sometimes I let Mom share it with me, and if she is ever in it by herself I come up and make her move to fit me.

The best part is that its twerly. I kin go rownd and rownd til I puke on Jazpurr's face. Hahahaha!

--Meg

STOP MAKING FUN OF MEEE!!

2010-05-03T16:40:00.003-04:00

So aperentlee my toes are on the smal side. Mom and Ryan are alwayz making fun of my toes that are to smal for my body siz. Mom calls me tinee toes.
A parent lee my body kept growing after my toes stopped.
Its not fare. 'sides, I keep them nice and metalik looking with the silver dust I put on every morning. Im the silver-toed Meg, you know. As you kin seen my toes are almos nunexist in this pikture. Its not my falt tho, so stop laffing at me, Jazpurr!

--Meg

Best. Fort. Ever.

2010-04-15T17:26:00.005-04:00

Hey ther!

So Mom was haveeng the car pets kleened so everthing had to be off the car pets and we had too be loked in the bathroom all day. But this was grate cuz mom put our jungle jim and cat bed in the bathroom and it was ossum.

As you kin see, my eesel is there. I like to hide behin it and spie on Mom and Ryan.

It was nice and privit but this worm got in my face.

--Meg

Keep your mitts off my nip!

2010-03-25T18:23:00.000-04:00

As you know, cats are big fans of our drug of choice: catnip. Cats have different reactions to the potent plant. I become somewhat violent; I roll in the nip and I run about.

I get all melo and like to lick wher the nip smell comes from.

In this instance, Meg got too close to my stash when I was trippin'.

--Jazpurr & Meg

World Cup

2010-03-20T17:47:00.003-04:00

So Im pritty much a socker pro. Iv got a bunch of pingpong balls that I play with cuz they're the best size. I did a hedder a few days ago and reely imprezd Ryan.

Im pritty privit when it comes to playing anything, cluding socker, so theres no vid e o of me. There is some of Jaz during a traneing sezshun we had. Hes getting it. He dosnt have the comitment i have tho.

--Meg

A stylish incarceration

2010-03-15T17:14:00.000-04:00

I was tri-ing owt a new stile the other day and thot these stripes sooted me well. (She was jealous of my stripes--Jaz. No Im not! Shut you!--Meg) Wat do you think? It reely seems to be a good look for when I play in my jalehouse. I like small confynd spaces, so londry jale is fun. These stripes are nice and warm too. Maybee Ill jist ware them in jale so Mom dosnt get me and Jaz confyoosed. --Meg

You might know us from such museums as the Louvre

2010-03-10T17:06:00.000-05:00

A while back Mom did paintings of us. I was first because I'm the favorite.

Not troo! Mom spent more time doing mine so obvusly she likes me best.

Regardless, we got immortalized on canvas. The paintings now hang in the cat zone in the bathr
oom. NO, this is not where the litter box is, this is above our food area. These photos are kind of blurry and dull, but you get the jist.

I look a little pale in mine, but it does a great job of capturing my passion for cleaning my paws.

I like mine OK. My eyes are yoosuly briter, but this angle makes me look thin.

Additionally, Aunt Sarah gave Mom the coolest watercolor ever. Mom really likes the Simpsons TV show, so Aunt Sarah painted her and Ryan and us cats as Simpsons.

That's me on the arm--far from Ryan. Meg's in the middle. Ossum, huh?

--Jazpurr & Meg

These boots are made for Mega?

2010-03-05T16:36:00.002-05:00

So won nite there appeerd this boot that looked like me. I was very confyoosed. It looked like me, it felt like me, and it smeled like feet.

I was 'tikularly confyoosed cuz I had just cleened myself and didnt notice anything missing, espech not a part shaped like a boot.

Jazpurr cooldnt even tell wich was me at ferst.

Aunt Missy was over that nite as I was trying to figure out where this thing came from and it disapeered when she left. weerd.

--Mega

I vet you can't guess how NOT fun it was

2010-02-28T16:51:00.004-05:00

So Mom did the unthinkable Saturday: She took us to the vet.
The torment of the vet is twofold. Not only is there the absolute terror of being at the vet, but there's the car ride to and from.
So on the way there I did my usual total misery scream the whole time. Mom had Mega and me in the same cage. She thinks it will make us happy to be together. It doesn't.

It yoosully makes me feel better but this time I made some sad cries on the way. On the way back I just looked at Mom thru the cage cracks.

So we get there and it smells all funny. We go in a room and Mom lets us out. "Sweet!" I think. I'm wrong.
A lady comes in and is all petting us and stuff. Then she takes me out of the room and makes me stand on something and expects me to stay there. Dummy. I guess it was a scale: I'm 12 pounds.

I thought the lady was alrite. It was a neet room. I 'splored and just chilld. I'm 13 pounds.

So then ANOTHER lady comes in and by this point I've been shaking and crying the whole time and Mom keeps petting me but that doesn't really make me feel better--she's the one who brought us here.

The other lady poked her fingers all in me and stuff and told Mom I need to lose some wate. Pssht. We'll see about that.

The lady poked me too. Then she totally embarrased me by telling Mom I have a big bowel movement coming. Who says that?! Then she gave me a shot in my hip area, but I couldn't even feel it. Then she left me alone but I was still super scared.

The first lady came back and took me out of the room and then some guy did unspeakable things to me. Mom had told the ladies I was deprezed sometimes--its troo. So I didnt get the shot I got the violatshun insted. The guy put a needle in my place where I stor my yello likwid. Then he poked a needle in my neck and took some red stuff. I was not so happy by the time I got back in the room with Mom. She showed me the cage and I was happy to go back in.

Finally we left and I cried all the way home. It was great to be home though. But for the rest of the day I felt all achey and tired. I slept in my cat bed and didn't eat much. I'm better today though.
I did hear the lady say I needed my teeth cleaned and then she proceded to mention anesthesia and stuff. I hope Mom doesn't take me back for that. That would suck.

Jazpurr & Meg

Baby It's Cold Outside

2010-02-05T16:36:00.001-05:00

I'm getting ready for some snowcat building.

What the?

2010-01-01T23:01:00.003-05:00

Mom came home one night with a see through box that had something moving in it. Mom said the thing was called "Parker" and belongs to Aunt Missy.

It smells interesting and seems to think I smell interesting.

Its weerd. It looks like food but cant be cuz Mom acks like its a frend.

Parker spends all day making nests and chewing on cardboard. He likes the sunflower seeds Mom gives him. I keep an eye on him to make sure he's not making trouble.

Im reely not that into him. Hes kinda borring.Mom says he won't be here much longer. Aunt Missy is supposed to come take him back soon. Not sure why we borrowed him to begin with.

--Jazpurr & Meg

I'll be seeing you

2009-12-28T18:50:00.002-05:00

Mom told us last week that our best dog friend died Dec. 20.

I know what you're thinking. Dog? Friend? Oxymoron, right? Well that's the thing. When I came home with Mom when I was four weeks old, the first dog I ever met was Simba. I was too young and naive to be afraid of him and he gave me no reason to be. So I grew up knowing dogs were friends and not the bullies you see on TV. When Meg came to live with the dogs, I taught her the same. Now she has a super bond with the remaining dog in Mom's parents' house, Lizzy.

Simba was 14. He sure did make the most of those years. He was the smartest dog I've ever met. He could sneeze on command, which, let me tell you, is really annoying if you're standing near by.

As a Sheltie-mix, Simba was good at herding. He often would try to herd the birds in the sky. That didn't work too well.

Mom found out in the fall Simba had a tumor on his heart. He was acting ill and Mom didn't think he would last long. He proved everyone wrong, though. He hung on for months just to make it easier on his family.

Here he is with the also dearly departed Ginger.

--Jazpurr

Dont lissen. He washes yer brane.

2009-12-15T16:58:00.004-05:00

I dont kare wat you think. Iggie is a jerk.

He comes walking into my hous and aks like he owns it, despit the
o-k-a-shunal slap in the face by me.

From the first he started hanging arowd here, I was on hiss patrol. I hissed at that son of a bichon until I was a horse. Id hid under the bed then run out and hiss at him. It didnt werk tho.

Mom and Ryan just kep loving him and negleging me. I was hert both becuz he took my home and cuz he took my Mom away.

I don't want to agree with Meg, but Iggie did get kind of mean toward the end.

I thought he was the coolest cat on earth. He was just so suave and confident. All I wanted was his attention. Then he started chasing me. I don't like to be chased.

Mom says he went to live with her dad and we'll never see him again. That's probably for the best.

Pssshhht! The best! It's fer the ossumnesst! Good riggins, Iggie jerkface.

--Jazpurr and Meg

Hi, I'm Iggy. You'll find that I'm awesome.

2009-12-13T17:48:00.004-05:00

What's up kitties of the world. The name's Igor Wolfgang VonFrankenstein, but the hip cats call me Iggy.

I wanted to introduce myself now that I've been hanging round the Hideabed for a while now.

To give you the DL on how I ended up "befriending" Meg and Jazpurr, I'll tell you about myself.

I was raised with a family in a house and such but was recently abandoned and wandered over to the Hideabed where I met Ryan and Rachel.

I wooed them super quick with my mad flirting skills and before they knew it I'd walked in their front door and made myself at home.

I've got a couple families on the hook this way, but Ryan and Rachel's place is the best cuz they've got the nip--they have it in pillow and leaf form. Awesome.

Those people also have cats of their own. I didn't get off on the best foot with either of them--Jazpurr was offended by my uninvited entrance and Meg, well, she hates ever cat that isn't her brother.

Jazpurr warmed up to me but not before I beat his ass one night in the apartment. Meg still hates me but I put her hissy face in its place the other night and now I rule this joint.

Despite by tough dominance in the kitty kingdom both in this apartment and out on the streets, I've got the people folk under my paw pad. All I've got to do is roll around, purr, let them pick me up and sleep and they think I'm all that.

Take my advice, stray kitties out there, be nice to the people and they'll give you whatever you want, suckers.

--Iggy

Just a reminder

2009-11-25T19:41:00.002-05:00

Dont shoot me! Im only pertending to be a terkee.

Meg called me a loser...

2009-11-21T21:35:00.004-05:00

So I threw myself away.

Halloween afterthought

2009-11-04T16:04:00.003-05:00

Here's mie haloweenie costume for dis yer. Check out my differnt exprezons. Dis one is "Nurz Meg. How can I make you feel bettr?"

Dis one is "Ward Nurz Meg. Do you want this needel in yer but or yer face!"

Take yer pik.

--Meg

Hi, My Name is Little Kitty

2009-10-01T16:43:00.003-04:00

What's up, kitties of the world. My name is Little Kitty. I am an adult cat of small size and questionable years.

You may remember me from such residences as the house in the woods from whence Jazpurr and Meg most recently moved.

I like long naps on the couch and am looking for a playmate who will let me chase him/her and not get POed (ahem, Meg). I'm quite a talker, so be prepared.

My latest fancy is smacking frogs around in the frog pit.

As you can see the pit, or window well if you will, is full of leaves that compliment my radical hair color. I think what I like best about the frog pit is that the frogs can't escape. Oh, they do try to hide from me, but in the end I'll find them.

Check me out in action.

Flirtfest

2009-08-31T17:26:00.006-04:00

I thought I'd share some photos from a recent flirting session with my girlfriend Jean-Tom and her brother Cheese and Crackers.

I go out the front door just about daily to hang with them. It kind of bores me these days to be honest and I think Jean-Tom can tell. She gets testy and smacks me when I'm not paying attention to her.

I did pay attention to her but in this shot, though.

--Jazpurr

You're on Candid Camera

2009-08-31T17:15:00.005-04:00

So Bitey McJerkface is getting big. Clearly he/she's found other fingers to feast on.

He/she's also hanging around with a new fellow I've yet to formally meet, I-Gor. He's got pink eye or something going on, but he's quite friendly, I hear.

Anyway, Bitey is quite adverse to getting anywhere near Mom since she wouldn't let him/her eat her finger, but I managed to snap these shots from the kitchen window of Bitey and I-Gor hanging out.

--Jazpurr

The taste of hummingbird in the afternoon

2009-08-19T13:55:00.006-04:00

This is Flita. Flita has a friend called Flit II. They are young hummingbirds that frequent my porch. The other day I was napping on the couch when a banging sound aroused me. Lo and behold Flita was inside the apartment banging against the sliding glass door.

Of course I was on the scene instantly.

Mom shut the curtain around us to trap Flita against the door--all the better to catch her. Mom also opened the sliding door as wide as it would go--all the worse to catch her.

At some point Flita got tired and I was able to nab her to the ground.

She tasted quite buzzy.

Mom got mad at me, though and made me stop savoring the snack. I kept trying to reclaim Flita but Mom kept getting mad and shooing me away.

Eventually mom toweled Flita and set her free. Drat!

--Jazpurr

Culinary Artist

2009-08-11T17:14:00.004-04:00

I was helpeeng Mom make roobarb merang pie. The merange is reallie yum. I got messy.

I sit on a stool when I help Mom with the cooking. She calls me kwalitee controll.

Also I jist discuverd zookini is yum too. Also koko nut.

--Meg

Shoe Box Wars

2009-08-11T17:02:00.006-04:00

You are banished to this box!

That's right I'm watching you.

Scroo yoo, dis is mi box!

Im waching YOO.

I can smell yor trecherie.

Tell yer gost to keep away from mi gost.

Hey, what's this?

Back up, buddie!

2009-08-11T15:47:00.004-04:00

UNBREAKING NEWS

Jean-Tom is not full of babies anymore and we've reconcilled. She hasn't told me about any kids...so I'm guessing she ate them/gave them up for adoption.

--Jazpurr

My new friend / Alien invasion

2009-08-11T15:34:00.006-04:00

All of a sudden the other day Mom brought something into the bathroom from outside and shut the doors. There were some scrabbling noises and then I heard some "meows".

Mom poot something in the room where my food and poopy box is and shut the door. There was noise, there was a new smell. Then alien kitten sounds.

So I said, "Hey in there. Hey, Mom, can I go in the bathroom?" So Mom let me in.

There was my new kitten!! It was on the bathroom counter kick-boxing all of the counter items into the sink.

I stayed in there even when Mom left for the store. She was worried my kitten would beat me up because its sibling bit her. I was cautious only to not scare the wee thing. It looked small and nice, but scared.

I couldn't get close enough to sniff out its gender, but it looked kind of masculine, yet girlie.

Jaz went in and wen he came out I hizzed at him.

Mom brought back a special litter box for my kitten from the store and put my box in the kitchen, along with my bowl. He-she kept talking when Mom would go in the bathroom, telling her not to mess with him-her.

Mom moved stuff and then I kood pee in the kitchen.

During the night my kitten would talk about sad things, but I wanted to stay with my Mom. The bathroom floor is hard.

That thing kipt waking me up!

Half way through the next day, Ryan closed Meg and me in the bedroom, put my kitten in a trash can and helped Mom put he-she in a cage.

We got all locked up without FOOD when Ryan put the thing in a vet transporty box. I hadn't even finished my brekfest!

My kitten is gone now, but I can still smell her every now and then behind the people toilet. Mom took pictures of him-her:

I admit she might have had an evil streak in her.

--Jazpurr & Meg

Eat at spew sound

2009-08-02T21:13:00.003-04:00

Mom found this sign on the Internet and we'd though we'd share it. When Mom told me about it she thought it was hilar that the vomit was a pile of pebbles. I decided to remind her that, indeed, at times cat vomit does look like pebbles by leaving her a few piles. She even stepped in one, which I guess is the whole purpose of the sign--to avoid that.
At any rate, I think this is a good opportunity to segue into a conversation about puking. I am quite fond of the pasttime. I do it when Mom is so kind and foolish enough to give me her leftover cereal milk, I do it after I eat plants, I do it after I eat ribbon--you know, the usual.
I also get hairballs. I rarely up chuck these as I prefer to digest them whether they like it or not. When not puking them I often get coughing fits. These make Mom fell bad for me because I make an awful noise as I get into cough pose. Ryan thinks its hilarious. Jerk.

Me on the other paw dont do much of the pyooking. My food is too precious to regerjit8. I like to keep in my belly where I kin continyoo to enjoi it.
Also I don't do the hole hairbal thing. Mom says its cuz I have majic fir. The silkie silverness of it makes it not clogging in my colon. I offen dominate Jaz by cleaning him (or do this to annoy him off Mom's lap so I kin have his spot) but his not majic fir doesnt clog me. I gess my tummies silver majic too.

--Jazpurr and Meg

2009-07-22T18:40:00.002-04:00

BREAKING NEWS

Jean-Tom is freakin' preggers again by her brother. I think maybe we should break up.

--Jaz

I want a kitten

2009-07-22T12:54:00.002-04:00

During the last two weeks while sitting in my kitchen window watching and talking with dumpster cats, I noticed a new addition: kittens. I discovered three kittens, two of which came up to our front porch, and a trepidatious mom. The kittens looked to be about a month old then, and so are about 6 weeks old now. They are stripey like me, but more brown than me. Also they're adorable and I want one.
More recently the mom is out of the picture and one kitten hangs out by itself or with the dumpster cats and the other is being raised by Coonie.
Yesterday Mom was using me as bait to lure one of the kittens for capturing. She kept sending me out the front door to try to make friends. It didn't quite work.
This morning, however, I was out on the front porch with Cheese and Crackers, Jean Tom and a kitten. Mom was able to sneak up on the kitten and grabbed it.
She brought it inside but it chowed down on her finger so she told it it had to leave. :(
I want a kitten.
Meg did not like the kitten. She hissed and fluffed her tail. She's always doing that. Drama queen.
I hope Mom will try again to catch me a kitten. She said I couldn't keep it always, though. Still, I like making friends.
--Jazpurr

I believe they can fly now

2009-07-22T12:47:00.008-04:00

A couple months ago I started noteising some commotion in a levatating flower pot on my porch. Lots of cherping and movement above mie hed.

So I took it upon myself to moniter the pot all hours of the day Mom let me be outside.

Mom started taking pictures of what was going on. I don't no what the round things are ....

but eventully they got replaced with tiny fluffs...

and then with scary monsters...
and then with noisy yums.
They are gone now tho. Mom thinks they flew away last weekend. She said they were called Hows Finchs.

She also said the flower pot was filled with bird poopies.

--Meg

Ear wigging out

2009-07-02T18:13:00.006-04:00

You won't beleeve what happened today!
I was in the bathroom with Mom when we both saw a bug by the tub. I went rite for it guess what?! The ear wig's but pinched me on the nose! It made me sneeze.
What nerv!
It doesn't show, but boy wat a jerk.

Earwigamus jerkamus

Megamoose byootius gorgeus noosle

Catnip Pillow High

2009-06-17T15:50:00.000-04:00

Mom and Ryan just got back from eight days of being away from us. I'm cool to not have Ryan around, but it sucks not having Mom here. Mom's cousin Sara visited with us every day. She played with us and kept us fed.
When Mom returned, she did bring back something that made it all worthwhile: a new catnip pillow.
This would be our third pillow of this sort. It's a nice, soft cylinder of cotton and nip. It's the perfect length for hugging and kicking.
Meg, who is more gentle with the pillow than I am, demonstrates its potent powers:

--Jazpurr

Your love makes me want to run

2009-05-28T15:41:00.005-04:00

This is my girlfriend, Jean Tom. The camera doesn't capture her crossed eyes. Her two brothers are eating beside her.

She likes naps on the porch and kissing me. It's going really well. We want to move in together -- or out together -- but Mom won't allow either. Geez. She's ruining my love life!

I do have a tendency to leave the homestead when Jean-Tom is around. There's something about her that makes me want to flee. I just want to explore her home -- the outside.

--Jazpurr

A visit to Driptown

2009-05-28T15:31:00.003-04:00

Jist about evry morning after Mom uses the water box I spend some alon time in the box.

I like to watch the drips do there thing. They are only there after mom uses the box, so I'm sure to git in there sometimes before Mom is out. I offen monitoor her progress in the box thru the see thru curtin. I sit on the ledge and sometims Jazpurr tries to push me in. It's wet in there so its no good.

Also I like the feel of the wet box floor on my but.

--Meg

My Skating Figure

2009-05-20T18:10:00.002-04:00

I've heard talk of some kind of Derby lately and I can only assume they're talking about the Roller Derby. I must get back into skate form.

--Meg

You must remember this, a cross-eyed kiss is still a kiss

2009-04-28T11:51:00.005-04:00

I've got a girlfriend! Well, that is, I know I said Jean-Tom was my girlfriend before now, but it's official--she kissed me.
So the other day Jean-Tom was outside my door getting some dinner from Mom. Mom let me go out the door and I was so cool. I just casually was checking out the porch and I was like "hey." She didn't audibly respond, but she looked at me and I could see what she wanted to say in those golden crossed eyes: "hey."
So then Meg started hissing at her from inside and totally killed the mood so Jean-Tom left and I returned inside, but whined at Mom to let me back out.

Later that day...
Jean-Tom was back for more food. The sun had set and the moon was a glow around her. Ahhhh.
Anyway, Mom let me go outside again. This time I was more confident. I walked right up to her and we compared nose smells. Then, she rubbed her face against mine. Wowza! But then I was like, hey, I'm the man here, I'm supposed to make the first move.
So I opened my mouth like I was hissing at her but without the sound. I did this so she would do the same and I could see how old she is by her teeth. She's younger than me. Not a problem.
So then we started walking down the porch and I decided I wanted to see what her world is like and headed down the steps. At that point Mom freaked out and chased after me. I made it to the front sidewalk before I decided this might not be a good idea. I was promptly chased inside and spanked.

New development...
This morning Jean-Tom and her brothers were eating breakfast and Mom opened the door for me. I didn't want to go out because I'd rather hang with Jean-Tom when her bros aren't around.
Anyway, Cheese and Crackers -- Jean-Tom's brother and former lover/baby daddy -- gave me the once over and voiced approval. We compared nose smells and then he made some horrible talking noises and tried to come inside. I hissed at him a couple times because I didn't really want him entering my home.

So it's official. I've got brotherly consent to date Jean-Tom. Hopefully she'll give me a photo to post here for your enjoyment.

--Jazpurr

The passing of the wise one

2009-04-21T20:33:00.004-04:00

A good friend of mine died last week. Reilly Jo Reilly died Monday, April 13, after complications from a possible blood clot. He would have been 11 next month.

Reilly was Mom's first son, my half brother. He went by many names. You might have known him as:

Roo Kaboo
Rooley
Buddah
Joyce
Morbidly Obese

Nevertheless, Riley taught me about my Mom when I was just a wee pup. Here are some photos.

This is Riley kicking me in the face.
This is me saying, "hey, quit kicking me in the face."

Reilly was a friendly sight when I returned to the wooded home. He was the most peaceful and loving cat I've ever known. I only wish I could be that open. He feared nothing because he believed everyone loved him--and they did.

I liked to hiss at Riley because he was bigger than I could make myself look. No one intimidates Blue Steel.

He was the mascot of Lacey's Landing barn. He was black and white and loved all over.

--Jazpurr and Meg

Skinny Jean-Mom

2009-04-21T20:17:00.004-04:00

Jean-Tom isn't preggy no more. She's dropped the kitten weight. She wasn't coming around much, only on occaision to fuel up at the cat food filling station Mom has for the dumpstees outside our front door.
The other day Mom had the door open and I was watching Jean-Tom and Cheese and Crackers (the baby daddy). She was all looking at me and rubbing on him all lovey dovey. Pshht. Like I need her. Stupid girlfriend.
More recently we started noticing Jean-Tom coming around more with her brothers for handouts and she has yet to bring her kits with her.
Mom says they probably died, what with them being all inbred and probably cross-eyed like their mum.

Ryan said she probably ated them. I would never eated my foil ball and milk ring babies. They make me sad howl when they stop moving. I wood howsever carry them around in my mouth and kick them around like soccer.

Meg, this is my post! I'm trying to talk about serious stuff here. Geezie cheese.
I'm sad my girlfriend's babies died or didn't like her and ran away, but I'm glad she doesn't have to be tied to that Cheese and Crackers chump raising the kits.
Mayhap she will be mine at last!

--Jazpurr and Meg (Son of a bichon, Meg! Get out of my post!)

My Girlfriend Got Knocked Up By Her Brother

2009-04-08T11:54:00.005-04:00

That is to say, her brother got her pregnant before I could make her my girlfriend.
A while ago I was looking out the kitchen window at the dumpster cats chowing down and Mom said, "I bet you could find a girlfriend out there."
What with Peter Nincompoop kidnapped and all, Jean-Tom is the only girl left out there. Too bad she's full of belly fruit.
I suspect Cheese and Crackers is the father. They've been spending a lot of time together.
Needless to say I am heartbroken!
The only other female who frequents my front door is Coonie, but I'm weirded out by her dexterous fingers.
I'm 5 years old. It's getting pretty lame spending all my time with my dopey sister.
Perhaps I should try online dating, like mew-harmony or CATch.com.

--Jazpurr

Spring's the Thing

2009-03-21T18:54:00.003-04:00

This is from our spring modeling session.

The Curious Case of Kidnapped Kitties (Part 2)

2009-03-07T17:20:00.004-05:00

TRUE CRIME TALE BY MEGALOPOLI CONURBATION MUSSOLINI; EDITED BY AN EXTERNAL SOURCE
6:42 p.m. Friday, March 6: The suspect made another hasty arrival and retreat from her residence in the Hideabed complex. During my undercover work I was able to deduce the suspect would be returning to the Condit Road address this night where I believed the victims to be held captive.
I stowed away in the suspect's vehicle and tracked her to the Condit Road home. I was able to enter the home undiscovered where I viewed the suspect, the victims and a second suspect I later determined to be the primary suspect's mother.
The victims were kept in a large cage containing food, water and waste containers. The victim known as Cat had himself pressed into the corner of the cage. The victim known as Peter Nincompoop, however, was friendly toward her captors.

I feared Stockholm Syndrome had taken Peter, so I watched her movements.

Peter would leave the cage and socialize with her catnappers. She would, however, defend herself against the two dogs on site.
Peter proceeded to spend the evening in front of the TV on the floor with the suspects. She purred and licked suspect #1 and accepted petting from all present, including a male subject whom I do not believe to be a suspect at this time.
During my study of Peter I discovered her belly had been shaved and a wound sustained.
I was able to talk with Peter in a hidden area between the couch and the wall. When I asked her what had transpired, she said she did not remember.

Cat, however, did remember.

After watching Peter for several hours I found Cat had hidden himself behind a bathroom door in the same room as his cage. He was apprehensive about talking to me, but I persuaded him to open up.

"This other lady--she took us to some other place that smelled funny, like
animals," he said. "They caged us up, and then someone pinched me and I fell
asleep. When I woke I was drousy and felt less like a man."

Cat wasn't willing to elaborate, but I knew what he meant--he'd had The Fix.
Come 10:02 p.m., suspect #1 was forcing Cat into the small cage used to transport him to this locale, but unlike how he arrived, Cat left alone. Peter was returned to the large cage.
I once again stashed myself in the suspect's vehicle. Upon return to the Hideabed, the suspect carried the cage to her front door and opened it.
Cat ran from the cage and jumped off the second-story balcony, running out of sight before I could see where he'd gone.
This action by the suspect might have voided one catnapping, but another still remains.

I used the Snifmaster to test the cage for evidence I could use in this case. If only Peter will press charges.

The Curious Case of a Kitty Kidnapping?

2009-03-02T11:54:00.005-05:00

TRUE CRIME TALE BY MEGALOPOLI CONURBATION MUSSOLINI; EDITED BY AN EXTERNAL SOURCE
The bathroom was amiss, but I had assumed as much. The penguin rug was out of place; the contents of the counter scattered about.

It was a crime scene.

I, Detective Megalopoli Mussolini, had been called to the scene at an apartment of the Hideabed complex on the south side of town at 7 p.m. Sunday, March 1. Two felines, approximately 1.5 years of age, had been kidnapped shortly before.
At roughly 6:32 p.m. that day, the primary witness, one Jazpurr Higgins, reported an unknown victim entered the apartment through an open front door. Upon setting foot inside the residence, the large, orange cat was grabbed by the waist by the suspect who then tossed the victim into the bathroom of the residence.
Moments later a second, small, orange cat was also snatched up by the suspect and forced into the bathroom of the residence.

The suspect is a dark-haired human known only as "Mom" by one of the witnesses and as "That Lady Who Feeds Us" by several others.

Three witnesses were outside the front door of the residence when the cats were seized.
One, Hot Waffles, said he was new to the area and knew nothing of who the victims or suspect are. The other two, who identified themselves only as Jean-Tom and Cheese and Crackers, identified the larger of the two victims as "Cat," the smaller as "Peter Nincompoop," their brother and sister.
Waffles, Tom and Crackers were able to corroborate Mr. Higgins' account of the initial events.

"The cats were in the bathroom, and I could hear moaning and screaming that was terribly unpleasant," Higgins said. "Mom came out of the bathroom and grabbed the cat cage and an old towel from the bedroom while I watched. Then she went back into the bathroom and I heard a horrible commotion.

Within minutes the suspect left the residence with the cage. All witnesses related hearing what sounded like the victims crying from within the cage.

"She put the cage in the car and left before we knew what happened," Tom said. "We were just trying to eat some dinner."

Once on the scene I was able to determine the suspect had lured both the victims and the three outdoor witnesses to the apartment with bowls of "Alley Cat" cat food. Witnesses were still chowing down upon my arrival. They were apprehensive about talking with a cop, but Greenies loosened their tongues.

"We've seen dis lady around plenty," Crackers said. "She puts out the food and we eats it. Sometimes she lets us take a peek inside dah place."

I made my way to the bathroom. I utilized a piece of equipment, known as my nose, to verify the victims had indeed been held captive in the room. I had the CSI squad process the scene while I drilled Higgins.

"She was barely here 15 minutes," he said. "She came in, put the food out for the dumpster cats and made a phone call. Next thing I know she's got the two in the bathroom, makes another call, she dumps dinner in my bowl and takes off with the cage."

I asked whom the suspect would have telephoned.

"It sounded like she was talking to her mother," he said. "She was asking if she should take those cats."

This was beginning to sound like a premeditated act.
"Where would she have taken them," I asked him.

"We used to live at this house in the woods--that's where her mother is," he said. "It's the only other place I know besides here."

I was able to determine the home was situated on Condit Road about 20 miles from the scene.
Area police recall seeing the suspect's vehicle with Ohio Licence "NEWSIES" travelling north along Sunbury Road--one of several possible routes to the Condit Road destination.
About 10 p.m. that night, the suspect returned to the apartment. Unable to reach the pedal in a car, I opted to remain undercover as the suspect's pet and await the next opportunity to follow her to the Condit Road residence.
Meanwhile, the case remains open.

Playing Make Believe

2009-02-23T17:35:00.007-05:00

I FANCY MYSELF ... a dunce.

I FANCY MYSELF ... a duck.
I FANCY MYSELF ... a plastic bag.

I FANCY MYSELF ... in jail.

I FANCIED MYSELF ... adrift on a choral raft.

I FANCY MYSELF ... a shoe.

I FANCY MYSELF ... a skunk.

I FANCY MYSELF ... tough.

I FANCY MYSELF ... a ball of yarn.

I FANCY MYSELF ... an adorable humidifier.

--Meg

OMG aka Day Meg, fighter of the Night Ryan

2009-02-11T11:38:00.004-05:00

You won't beeleeve what my mom did to me yesturday nighttime. But first, some background:
So there are too kinds of Ryan. Theres reguler Ryan and bedtime Ryan. Bedtime Ryan is this giant lazy guy who grabs you to his chest and wont let go and then falls asleep with you inprisoned.

Night Mom isnt much better. She wants to snuggle you too under the covers and make you be lovey.

I find its best to avoid these bedtime peeple at all costs. During the dark times, I will sneak up to see if bedtime Mom is awake. Also I will wake her to feed me before the sun comes up.

So back to the OMG, Oh My Galoshes.
The other night Mom was sleeping and I was ready for food. So I did my usooal thing of digging at her legs and such to tell her to get up. She kept kicking me in the face and kicking me off the bed and so I had to be more aggressive.
Eventually she grabbed me and tucked me into the Bedtime Ryan hold.
Now, when Ryan holds me like that I have to give up beecause he is strong and has big arms. Bedtime Mom, on the other paw, is easily fought off. Besides, she's never done anything mean to me befour.
Well I fought will all my mite and the Bedtime Mom jist kept fightting back to keep me confined in her grazp.
This lasted 5 minootes.
Eventually I started yelling at her during the last 2 minootes.

I said, "Let me goooooooo. This isn't faaaaaarrreeee."

Then the funny noise thing went off that signals Bedtime Mom will morf into regular Mom (It's the cell phone alarm --Jaz).
So I was mad at Mom for a while, but I knew it was not her fault. It was Bedtime Mom's fault.

The next night I started out my digging with a kneeding and also let Bedtime Mom pet me. That seemed to appeese it.

--Meg

What happened here?

2009-01-31T14:02:00.004-05:00

So Mom was snooping through photos on her mom's computer when she came across a treasure trove of pics from when I was a kit (and also some of the other one [Hey! That's me. Dont call me other one!] Hey get out of my parentheses.).
I'm putting this photo up in the hopes you can help me figure out why I'm so wet and miserable looking. Clearly I've blocked it from my memory.
I've never been given a bath and although I've been caught in the rain many a time, I don't think I've ever gotten this wet. I guess it's possible.
What do you think? Use the comments to field your suggestions.
Also enjoy this cute pik of me when I was a ketten. Aint I cutesie?
Even as a kit you could tell there was empty air behind those eyes.
Yir a jerk!

--Jazpurr & Meg

I've got your love to keep me warm

2009-01-28T13:46:00.006-05:00

It's a very white day here at the Hideabed, and according to the TV, a lot of other places as well.

By my calculations, Mom should be leaving the house today for going to her job, but she's at home. Ryan, however, did leave the house (SCORE!), so I have Mom all to myself.

I started the day snuggling with Mom as she slept in, then Mega and I watched the birds all plump and chirpy eating at the feeder.

Then I decided to be particularly generous and sit on Mom's lap. I'm not much of a lap cat; I'm the independent type, you know. So I did that for a while when Mom was watching a movie, The Big Heat. It didn't look too warm on the TV, but they need to send some of that warmth through the tube.

Next I picked a spot next to Mom on the couch where I have been camping out this afternoon. Tonight I'll probably do some playing and some chasing of Meg. Mayhap Mom and I will play Hide and Seek or Catch Me If You Can. Good times.

This photo is what I look like when I sleep. Pretty adorable, huh? That's my pal, Bunny. Mom likes to think we're best pals, but sometimes he needs a good bite.

--Jaz

Animated Example

2009-01-24T12:19:00.002-05:00

We've previously posted on our methods of waking Mom in the morning for breakfast and general play demands. We found this video of an animated version of how to wake up a person, which we think is instrumental in understanding our method. Neither of us has perfected the ear pull, nor do we have a bat in the house. Also we don't know who this creepy muscle guy is.
--Jaz

Looking Buff

2009-01-12T18:01:00.003-05:00

So I'm not mad at Ryan anymore. He got me this kickin Teeshirt. It's a totally tru statemint too. Doggies are fraid of me.

The shirt really shows off my guns. Look out or I'll sock you one! Jist ask Jazpurr, he knows.

Hey! Shut you face! I beat you up sometimes too, little miss priss.

Don't little miss priss me. Jist cuz my collar is pink don't mean I'm no sisy. It matches my tongue!

Phht. Whatever.

--Meg & Jazpurr

Don't mess with the Mega

2009-01-06T12:04:00.005-05:00

So, I'm kinda pised at Ryan.
Lately when the dumpster kitties come to beg for food like the peethetic beggers they are, Mom leaves the door cracked while she fills their dumpster bowl with food.
So one day I was out and aboot and went to the door and found some kitties trying to come in. I had no choice but to defend my territoory so I puffed myself up and hissed up a storm.
Later Mom and Ryan had a talk with me and said I shouldnt be so mean to the dumpstees and that they just want to be my friend.
Ryan was petting me later and I was lovin' it but then I thought maybee it was a dumpster cat petting me so I spun around and hissed at him. Turns out I was wrong. It was Ryan.
But what makes it worst is later I heard Ryan tell Mom maybee they should trade me for Peter Nincompoop!!

What the fluff!

They wanted to send me out to live with them savagges and give that little runt of a girl my mega meals.

Dog spit!

So anyway, that's why I'm mad at Ryan. One day I spent the whole day hiding and when I came out I made like I liked it when Ryan was petting me but then when he was leest expecting it (burn notice) I hiss. Still doing that.
Thats what you git for trying to put me out in the coold.
--Meg

Once Upon a Midnight Fishing

2008-12-23T19:48:00.000-05:00

One of my favorit pass times is fishing. I like to do it from the comfort of my own feeding zone, tho.
Most days when Mom gives me my brekfest or diner, I drop a few pieces of my food in the water bowl when she's not looking. Then I fish them out and when I git them their all soft and tastee.
It itsn't easy fishing for yor food. It means yor going to git yor paw fur and paw pads wet.
I often stop to cleen my paw once it gets too soggy.
But you have to keep going until you git them all. Or until you git full and don't want them anymore.
Mom doesn't like it when I fish, that's why I have to drop them in secritly. She says I get my dirty little litter paws in the water and make it not cleen.
Whatev, Mom, I like litter water.
Mom took this videeo so she coold show it to me later and tell me I was cought. As you can see, I am battling three food fishies, but I git bored before I can git the last one.

--Meg

Night Mooves / No sleep for the mother

2008-12-23T11:58:00.000-05:00

So Mom and Ryan function on a different sleeping/waking schedule than we do. They stop functioning when it's dark outside, whereas we catch our shut-eye during those annoying daylight hours and party down at night.

We're trying to alter Mom's schedule.

Ryan frequently is gone during the sleeping hours, which leaves ample napping space on the bed. Despite this space, however, the most comfortable spot is on Mom's legs. Meg and I like to take baths, nap and wrestle eachother on Mom's legs.
Our goal of course is to keep Mom from sleeping so she'll play with us.

Ive gotten inta a fewd wit the beddroom door jam. We battle every moorning round 6 or 7 when Mom's still sleeping. I kick it and grab it and make a rukkus. Mom usually throws a stoofed aminal at me. She missed me the other day, tho.

When the sun starts coming up we really hungry. I try to tell Mom it's breakfast time. I get on the bed by her face and say, "Hey. I'm hungry." Then I sit on the bedside table and watch her. Anytime she seems to be awake I remind her.

Sumtimes in the night and erly morning, I check to see if Mom is really in sleepybye. I creep up to her face just to check. She always is, tho. She tries to pet me like I want lovin' and I'm like backoff. Sumtimes when I'm hungee I go to her face and tickle her with my wiskers.

--Jazpurr and Meg

Family Fun

2008-12-23T11:22:00.000-05:00

So Mom abandoned us Sunday to go to her family holiday party. We were originally planning to attend so we could meet our cousin Stanley, who you might remember from such posts as "Stan the Man."

We diddnt go tho cuz Ryan had a hed pain. I wanted to stay to take care of him. My purring power is wicked heeling.

I stayed home to make sure Ryan didn't get into any trouble. I think he was faking the migraine. He's tricked me before.

Allso our grampy gave us a catgrass growee for Winter Solstice. I keep telling Mom to plant it, but she hasnt yet. Im hungee.

Here's a look at the photos we had taken for the holiday card we sent out to peoples and kitties this year. I wasn't too happy about the snow suit, but it was either that or the girly cloak.

--Jazpurr and Meg

String Theory

2008-12-07T13:32:00.000-05:00

My Aunt Sarah came to visit me last week from Maine. At first I though, "What's going on!?" then I knew, it was my auntie.

She brought me a present. It's pretty rainbow-sherbet-colored string made of bamboo.

If you don't already know, I'm a bit of a string connoisseur. The thinner the string, the better, I say, but this bamboo string might be my favorite kind so far.

What's the thinnest of stings, you might ask? It's human hair. I find it on the bathroom floor all the time or sometimes I steal it out of the trash can when Mom throws hers away.

Second thinnest is thread, which oftentimes escapes from the hemlines of people's clothes. I find it on the floor and sometimes I accidentally eat it. Mom doesn't like that, she usually takes thread away from me.

Contrariwise, twine can be quite entertaining.

It has a different sort of flow as it glides through the air and into my grasp. It's also good for shredding.

This bamboo sting is most soft, however. Sometimes I just gather it in a pile and rub my face on it. It smells like Aunt Sarah. Maybe one day I will see my cousin Agatha again.

--Jazpurr

I am thankful that...

2008-11-27T12:21:00.000-05:00

... Mom did not let the dumpster kitties stay permynently.

The other night Mom came home and before I could even come out to say 'hi' had invited the dumpster kitties in just to hang and piss me off.

Only three of them were there and Mom said they came looking for food, but then insissted on having shellter alsa. Mom said she couldn't shut the door in their "little" faces. Little, puhshaw!

Cheese and Crackers is as big as me and they might not be even full grown. He kept coming in the bedroom and looking at me. The neerve!

I told him what's what, hissy style.

I saw Mom petting Peter Nincompoop, which she said she learned is a girl. Later, Ryan refused to change the name to Petra Nincompoop. Whatevs. Peter is really small and lovey. I was spying on them from around the bedroom doorway, but when Peter got too close I told him what's what, hissy style.

Jean Tom is medium sized. He's cross i'd. Mom said he might be a girl, two.

Mom gave them treats from MY treat jar. Those jerks. Peter put his scent all over the corner by the door. Rubbin' his face all over it. Yick.

The picture is the three that visited. There's another named Cat, but he's a loner. More like loser.

--Meg and Jazpurr

Pictured (from left) are Cheese and Crackers, Peter Nincompoop and Jean Tom. You can tell they're evil by their lazer eyes, which Cheese and Crackers is utilizing here.
I was abel to video tape their movements for future analiziz.

These are a few of my favorite tastees

2008-11-18T17:45:00.000-05:00

I'm sure you've noticed by now that I, Jazpurr, am a pretty fit, slender and strong fellow, wheras Mega's a bit of a beef. We thought you might be interested to learn of our favorite foods. We list them here in order.

Jazpurr Higgins:

Yogurt, particularly Activia (it keeps me regular). I can hear/smell a yogurt carton being opened from 1.27 miles away.
Quisp Milk. It gives you quazy energy.
Little Green Men. I find them in the carpet and try to eat them. They usually disappear before reaching my mouth though.
Milk. Although I am lactose intolerant and am only permitted a small amount.
Tuna. The best things in life come from cans.
Cheese
Plants
Ice Cream. It's like sweet milk.

Megalopoli Conurbation Mussolini:

Chocolate
Chocolate
Chocolate cookies
Ice cream, particularly chocolate. I, like Jaz, have a keen sense of smell and can whif out ice cream from 2.73 miles away.
Tuna
Mega Meal. I'm told this is really called "canned food." Ryan gives them to me when he is home. We always have a good chat about it before he lets me eat, tho.
The salt on Mom's skin. Sometimes she lets me lick her hand for a really long time, then she gets mad because I makes a boo boo.
Anything hard. I don't actually eat these things, like cell phones, the ring on Mom's finger, pens, but they are good for chewing.
Flowers

Happy T-Day

2008-11-15T20:27:00.000-05:00

With that most tastee of holidays approaching, I am remynded of a photo shoot I did for Tyson some time ago. Don't I look delishous?

--Meg

The girl with the smelly-good face

2008-11-13T16:53:00.000-05:00

Mom and Ryan abandoned us again. They were gone three days, but Mom's cousin Sara took care of us.
Sara is very nice. She likes to play and talk with us and she has a great smelling face.
We showed her our toys and talked about food.
She liked me best.

No she diddint. She said I was prettiest.

She said you talked a lot, and nobody likes a chatty catty.

Wat eever.
She gave us mega meal and lots of it. She even gave us treats! I hope she comes back.

--Jazpurr and Meg

Auntie Sarah

2008-11-04T13:10:00.000-05:00

Mom said Aunt Sarah will be visiting at Thanksgiving time.

When I was one year old, Mom and I lived with Sarah and my best friend Agatha. This photo is me trying to eat Agatha in our window. I usually ate my meals in that window, so it only made sense to eat the living thing in the window. Just kidding, Ag.

Aunt Sarah is good for snuggling with. Last time I saw her was in 2006. She came a visited me.

Meg met Aunt Sarah once when she was a baby. The other picture is Aunt Sarah holding Meg.

Meg doesn't understand when I talk about my aunt how ossum she is.

I'm excited to see Aunt Sarah! Mom said she lives in Maine and can't bring Agatha because Maine is far away and Agatha can't afford a plane ticket.

When my aunt comes I'm going to show her my catnip pillow and smell her face.

--Jazpurr

Dapper Jazpurr and Spiffy Megiffy

2008-11-04T12:57:00.000-05:00

Before we moved to the Hideabed, our necks were carefree and blowing in the breeze. Now that we're in the place where we're not allowed to go outside, or at least not the REAL outside, we have to wear necklaces.
Mom got me a handsome houndstooth with red accent collar from Chicago. High Class! It's pretty annoying, but Mom gives good neck stratches. Sometimes I let Ryan give me a neck scratch.
A couple weeks ago Mom came home with a new shirt colar and bow tie for me. It was kind of really uncomfortable, but Mom kept exclaiming about how handsome I looked.
--Jazpurr

I used to ware a spiked Harly Davidson collar with a bright green dog bone ID tag. The ID tag matched my eyes, the colar matched my attitude.
That collar was causing some helth problems, tho. It was leather and was rubbing the fir off me neck, so I had a half grown crop of hair round my necken.
Ryan didn't want to lose any of my soft soft fir, so he took it off. Then he got me a new one. It's blue plaid. Mom said he shouldve' gotten a pink one to match my bright pink tung, but Ryan got one that matches the blue hu of my fir.

Also Ryan got me a sweater the other day. It's itchy so I took it off over my hipps.
--Meg

Mmmmm...Tuna

2008-11-01T10:59:00.001-04:00

Mom's Uncle Daryll drew this cartoon. We don't claim to be the inspiration, but we do love tuna.

Nipful Dreams

2008-10-27T14:59:00.000-04:00

A long time ago, Mom gave me and Jaz what she says is a "catnip pillow." It is a long tube of fabric about the size of my torso, and it smells like dizzy.

The furst pitcher is me hanging out with the pillow.

Jazpurr usually hogs the pillow and kicks it and bites it. I like to lick it and rub it on my face, like in the sekond pitcher. I don't know why I do this, but I feel kumpelled. Sometimes when I get the night juices in me, and I can't stay still, I will kick it too. It's never complayned about when we beat on it, but I'm not sure it likes it.

The last pitcher is me playing hard to get. I'm ignorring the pillow because I'm playing with my foil ball.

I love the foil ball. Mom and Ryan got me many more new foil balls. They like to run across the floor and I have to chaise them and sometimes carry them somewhere in my mouth. When Mom holds them they make this crinkly noise and then I know they are getting ready to eskape from her klutches.

The Origin of Life

2008-10-17T19:13:00.001-04:00

The other day I asked Ryan where kittens come from. He said they come from dumpsters. He said your fer color is picked by whatever trash is in the dumpster when you are born. He said there was lots of gray poopon and a litle bit of blue and silver butterfly wings in the dumpster when I was born.
So then I asked if Peter Nincompoop, Cheese and Crackers, Cat and Jean-Tom could be my brothers and Ryan said yes and that I should be nicer to them.
The next morning I went to the front door to go outside to see my brothers, but Mom said no and closed the door on my head. I tried really hard but she was adomant.
Later before Mo came home I saw a funny lookin kitty from my perch at the kichen window. It was gray and black stripey and had a black mask around its eyes. It came to our door and tried to talk to us. Jazpurr is teaching me morris code so next time I can talk to him. He said his name is Cooney. Next thing we know Cooney runs away and Mom opens the door. I guess Cooney didn't like Mom.

--Meg

Engineers' Guide to Cats

2008-10-15T17:36:00.000-04:00

We find this video to be quite informative about our species. We do not, however, condone the use or applicability of "corporal cuddling."

I like girls

2008-10-12T12:16:00.000-04:00

The Hideabed, where we live, has been quite the social gathering place since we moved in. Mom has since realized the gender I prefer: girls.

Ryan has had a number of friends over, none of which are appealing. I mostly spy on them to make sure they aren't marking this as their territory. Meg likes the boys, though. She flirts with them and talks to them. Psshht.

Mom brings girl friends over. I particularly like the peoples with the name of Sara(h). I believe this goes back to my childhood when I lived with Aunt Sarah and Agatha.

Mom's work friend Sara has a soft face and Medusa-like wild tendrels on her head that I must battle for her protection.

Cousin Sara has a good-smelling face.

Mom had work Sara and work Lisa for a visit Friday and they watched Newsies. I once did a spin off of that movie called Newscats: The Meowsical. You might recognize some friends of mine in the second promo poster, such as Pretty Kitty, Little Kitty and Mega.

--Jazpurr

The Adventures of Krummy the Kindness Kitty

2008-10-07T13:13:00.000-04:00

We welcome another guest blogger. Krummy lives at Mom's office. Mom says she and Nick The Bull share custody of Krummy. I don't believe she'd have an illegitimate kitty, however. Here's Krummy's post about life at SNP.
--Jazpurr

Greetings Mega and Jazzpurr;
As you can imeowgine, I get bored sitting atop my cubicle lair in search of meanness and mices. I thought I would take the time record my thoughts and whatever else spews from my meowth (besides hairballs).
First, I will properly introduce meowself to those who aren't privy to my existence.I am Krummy the Kindness Kat. I was sent from planet Krumlauf to balance the fight between kindness and Tim K. lol.
Here is a recap of what I witnessed on what meow masters call, "Deadline Day."
Monday:I heard my arch nemesis, King Krummy (Tim K) yelling at Nick to learn the ways of the levy and wondered if he needed a hug. While trying to climb to King Krummy's desk, I realized I was stuffed and had a hard time moving (must have been all the ketchup and mustard I stole from the cafeteria).
I will continue to plot and scheme against this master of meanness and find a way to hug the crap out of him. (Pardon my French).
I hope you guys are having a wonderful time and please be sure to save a spot for me in the dryer. Also, Meg, do you think you have room in your next meowvie for a superheremeow? Pieces be with you (or something like that).
Hugs,
Krummy the Kindness Kat

Meg will drink your milkshake

2008-10-03T16:15:00.000-04:00

Mom said there was talk about a sertain milkshake movie at her work today and that I should tell you about a movie I did called There Will Be Meg. It was a fairly furry movie in which I play a catnip cartoon (she means "tycoon" --J). Despite it's name, howmever, there's not as much Meg as there is in my other movie, No Country for Old Meg.

I got into acting not long after I started modeling. The Hollymeowd bigwigs thought I was sooted for plush rolls. One thing led to another and now I'm a starr.

You should rent them both. They are gems.
*P.S. Click on the posters to see a larger immage.

MEG

Stan the Man

2008-09-29T16:46:00.000-04:00

We've decided to entertain a guest blogger. This is an e-mail we got from Stanley Hamelberg about his confusion on how to comment on this blog. If you are wondering also, just click on the tiny word "comment" at the bottom of this (or other) posts. --Jazpurr

Uh Yeah Uh Hey There---
I uh like don't really know nothin bout this blog stuff, but uh I could mebbe be following what all yous got to say dere. Ya know?
My female parent says I gotta introdoos myself. I'm Stanley - that's Stan THE Man to yoos. I could prolly add some thoughts and stuff-like to what you two prissy catz are talking about.
You know - like how I kill chipmunks and baby bunnies and little wrens and stuff. Oh, my female parents sayz not everbody wood like all that.
But I cud think up stuff, ya know?
I juss need to know how to get on there to be a follower - which I ain't, believe me. But that's YOUR word, ya know.
So, let me know.
Yer cousin - or something like that,
Stanley of Orange Township

Victory (ball)!!

2008-09-26T19:01:00.001-04:00

Meg and I played Rock, Paper, Mega to determine whose post would go at the top of the page today. She's off in the corner nursing her paper-covered rock wounds.

I'd like to discuss this thing the people's call "the shower".

How can the furless ones survive in that water torture box? You're trapped and surrounded by pummelling water molecules in some attempt to get "clean". Why can't they use their tongues to clean up?

This photo is of my first experience with the wet place.

I remember the first time I saw Mom get in the torture closet. I cried my baby heart out to warn her of the danger of being soaked, but she just said it was OK. Every time we change homes, Mom gets in a new water box and I have to look in there to see what's going on. Then I cry some for her soul.

The other day, Mom was in the water box and I was spying on her. She reached her hand out to me so I thought she wanted help. I pulled on her arm to get her out from the dangerous droplets, but she resisted. I don't get it...

La la la la Mega

2008-09-26T18:48:00.000-04:00

Mom and Ryan like to sing lots of songs about me. I thought I'd share how some of them go here.

"Her name was Mega, she was a show cat. The softest spot on the door mat..." (Think Copacabana)

"And the shadow of the Meg will embrace the world in gray." (Linkin Park anyone?)

Mom will sing "mega mega mega" to the tune of the underground theme from Super Mario Bros.

Mom and Ryan saw The Lion King the other night and so mom sang, "Shadow Meeegggg. Her fur is fluffy. Shadow Meeeggg, she is our love..." (like that Shadowland song)

In other news, I've been socio networking. Ryan keeps bringing boys over to my palace land. I'm pretty popular. Mom says I'm a socio butterfly, a social Megafly. I like to roll about and show them my irresistable tummy and rub my cheek-based scent glands on them. THAT'S RITE, DUMPSTER KITTIES! When these boys leave my home my scent will waft from them and let you know that I am champion of the Hideabed!

NincomPOOP

2008-09-22T18:08:00.000-04:00

The other night I spied with my little eyes some threats to my queendom. Outside my window I gazed MY momma feeding four street rats. These yellow kitties, whom I understand to be called Jean-Tom, Cheese and Crackers, Cat and Peter Nincompoop, are DUMPSTER cats, which of course are the lowest lifeform 'maginable.
I'd finally escaped the opposum (she means "oppression"--J) of Pretty Kitty, Queen of the Sunbury cats, and the torment of that munion (she means "minion"--J) Little Kitty. I am now Queen of my domain, complete with throan, and these dumpster pals are coming to move in on my mom. No fair, Mare.

MEG

Gonna paint a wagon, gonna paint it good. I ain't braggin'; we're gonna coat that wood!

2008-09-22T18:01:00.000-04:00

The other day there was a painter outside my window. Normally I'm pretty shy, but since there was a pane of glass between us, I figured I was safe. I said, "Hey, what are doing? How'd you get up there."

--Jazpurr

Pavlovian hummers

2008-09-18T21:23:00.001-04:00

So Meg doesn't know it but Mom and Ryan are turning her into one of Pavlov's dogs. Ryan feeds Meg what they call "Mega Meals" of canned "ArtistoCATs" food (although I see Mom gets pretty on edge when Ryan call it "Artistocrats" food), and while preparing the food and while she eats, they clank a piece of metal against an Evil Dead shot glass. It makes a "tink" noise to which Mega is beginning to respond. Poor fool.

I thought I should bring to your attention a friend of ours the mention of whom might make an appearance on this blog on occasion.

Flit is our hummingbird that frequents our porch. Mom has given him a hummingbird feeder, and once he invited a lady friend to it, but we haven't seen her since. Domestic violence?
Nevertheless, Flit came onto the porch this morning while Mega and I were sitting inside behind the partially open screen door. Flit hovered in front of us for a while, checking us out. Mom said he was going to come inside but he didn't, he just pooped and left.

By the way, this photo I've posted is of a modeling spot I once did. Mega doesn't have all the looks in the family, in fact she has a very small percentage, wouldn't you say?

I was born a poor, black cat...

2008-09-18T21:23:00.000-04:00

Not for realz. Today I got into the dryer cuz it looked cozy. Mom said I was born in a dryer. I wasn't sure if she was joking, but then she showed me these pitchers.

While I was in there, the insides turned round. Mom said something about a hampster wheel and my being "hefty," but I just thought it was like whirleewoo.

More about Meg

2008-09-16T18:08:00.000-04:00

I thought it was time to put some picturegraphs up so you can see what we look like. When not blogging, I do some modeling work.

How do I look?

--Meg

This is Jazpurr. I've hijacked this post in order to point out something about Mega's modeling job. Meg is a PLUS-size model. She did this spread for the Sports Illustrated swim suit edition, but it got cut. Wonder why?

Hey! This is Meg again. Don't lesten to that punk. I'm NOT a plus size model. The camera adds 10 pounds, which is significant since in real life I weigh 11 pounds. Anyway SI said they just didn't have room to fit me among the human moddles and they're saving this job for the cat edition.

2008-09-16T13:41:00.000-04:00

Hellow strange world of webs of various widths. This is Meg. Irregardless of what my brother might tell you, I ain't no idiot. Just cuz I'm a conosoor of foodstuffs doesn't mean I don't know how to 'spress myself.
This morning I was waiting by the back door trying to look thru the black curtain at the birds. Mom came and opened the curtain but there were no birds. Later, there were birds. Mom pulled a chair up to the window so I could watch. Later I beat up Jazpurr. He's a puss. Ryan brushed my hair the other day and now its super soft-like. If you bring me a Mega Meal I'll let you touch it.
Chow,
Mega

Here we go.....

2008-09-16T13:27:00.001-04:00

Good day. This is Jazpurr Higgins. You will be seeing posts on this Web log from both myself and my sister, Mega. Our mother forced us to start this blog as a means of occupying ourselves during the day. Mom says we sleep too much and then make a ruckus all night long, which, although true, is no reason to force me to share this interweb page with Meg.
From here forward, you can be assured the posts with my signature will be intelligible, whereas the ramblings of the rotund one will likely be classified as low brow.

Farewell for now,

Jazpurr

Mega Metropolitan News and The Jazpurr Journal

Grrr, computer

Pose Series: Part 5

Killer Shadowplay

Sunshine Meg

Kicking ... face?

Where am I?

Pose Series: Part 4

Pose Series: Part 3

Pose Series: Part 2

Let me 'splain

I am a man of discerning tastes

Lord of the Hum 3: Return of the Flit

I am Queen

STOP MAKING FUN OF MEEE!!

Best. Fort. Ever.

Keep your mitts off my nip!

World Cup

A stylish incarceration

You might know us from such museums as the Louvre

These boots are made for Mega?

I vet you can't guess how NOT fun it was

Baby It's Cold Outside

What the?

I'll be seeing you

Dont lissen. He washes yer brane.

Hi, I'm Iggy. You'll find that I'm awesome.

Just a reminder

Meg called me a loser...

Halloween afterthought

Hi, My Name is Little Kitty

Flirtfest

You're on Candid Camera

The taste of hummingbird in the afternoon

Culinary Artist

Shoe Box Wars

My new friend / Alien invasion

Eat at *spew sound*

I want a kitten

I believe they can fly now

Ear wigging out

Catnip Pillow High

Your love makes me want to run

A visit to Driptown

My Skating Figure

You must remember this, a cross-eyed kiss is still a kiss

The passing of the wise one

Skinny Jean-Mom

My Girlfriend Got Knocked Up By Her Brother

Spring's the Thing

The Curious Case of Kidnapped Kitties (Part 2)

The Curious Case of a Kitty Kidnapping?

Playing Make Believe

OMG aka Day Meg, fighter of the Night Ryan

What happened here?

I've got your love to keep me warm

Animated Example

Looking Buff

Don't mess with the Mega

Once Upon a Midnight Fishing

Night Mooves / No sleep for the mother

Family Fun

String Theory

I am thankful that...

These are a few of my favorite tastees

Happy T-Day

The girl with the smelly-good face

Auntie Sarah

Dapper Jazpurr and Spiffy Megiffy

Mmmmm...Tuna

Nipful Dreams

The Origin of Life

Engineers' Guide to Cats

I like girls

The Adventures of Krummy the Kindness Kitty

Meg will drink your milkshake

Stan the Man

Victory (ball)!!

La la la la Mega

NincomPOOP

Eat at spew sound